Dear Jennifer Lopez:

First, let me just say damn girl, you look good. I’m so happy you’re returning to the Latin-based dance beats that served as the soundtrack of many a girls’ night dance party.  I’m still known to swerve my hips to “Waiting for Tonight” while getting ready to go out.  You and Pitbull together actually make me like Pitbull.

I’ve got to say, though, that I’m a little sad to hear that you and Marc are making your split official.  Even though some call him Skeletor, I’d totally in theory make out with his salsa swagger.  I may also be known to get down to “I Need to Know,” after all.

And this Casper kid you’re with now.

Yes, he’s cute.  He’s also, what, 25? And a dancer? And you put him in your new perfume commercial music video?  (Which, okay, I’ll totally be jamming to this weekend when I get ready to spend my pay-day funds.)

Need I remind you of the last time you put the Love of Your Life in a music video?  Or the time before that?

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