Passive aggressive Facebook statuses annoy the hell out of me. If you want pity for a problem, if you want to tell the world your boyfriend is a cheating asshole, if you want to wax poetic on the State of Being Single, then just come out and say it. Don’t make vague statements or hypothetical questions and wait for your thousand Facebook friends (only ten of whom you’d care about in real life) to respond, “What’s wrong!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” It’s unbecoming.
That said, today I use the Internet in passive aggression but – in my defense – I’m just trying to protect the feelings of the not-so-innocent.
And now I present: The Truth About Twitter
You do not need to wish everyone a good morning, good evening, good tea time, good 11:11… Where Facebook began the overshare trend (fetuses do not need social media accounts and I don’t need to see sonograms Girl I Sat Somewhere Near in Geometry but Don’t Remember), Twitter may have perfected it.
Twitter is best left for the funny, the informative, the entertaining. Into which category does this Twitter feed fall:
If you find something funny, post the link. If you’re full, stick your finger down your throat
like a normal person whose celebrity is based on a sex tape.* If you just got into town, take a nap.
*This blog and its author do not support bulimia, anorexia, or any other eating disorder I’ve never heard of.