When you’re a grown up in a family of grown ups – seriously, purposeful childlessness is an epidemic in my family – Christmas loses a little of its magic. As hard as it is to buy things for people perfectly capable of buying themselves anything they want, it’s harder to answer the question, “What’s on your Christmas list?” when you have no problem buying anything you want, either!
And really, if we’re being completely honest, I’ve probably bought more for myself than others while Christmas shopping. I just can’t pass up a good deal, damn it.
So, for once and for all, here is my Christmas list. You have T-10 days to hook me up.
Adele as a personal songstress.
I will provide food and lodging, of course, but she should be prepared to serve as alarm clock, live soundtrack to the imaginary biopic I am constantly narrating in my mind, and general gal pal because she seems like a cool ass chick.
All of them.
The shirtless jogger.
I’m shocked his name isn’t Chad, but I’ll go with it. Heeeey Ethan. You almost make me want to put my phone number on the Internet. Or start running. (I will not start running. See previous post RE: dangers of running while well-endowed.)
Download this design for your desktop or phone. It’ll make me feel special.
In theory, I’m not a violent person. Most of the time, I don’t believe that war is the answer. I don’t agree with the NRA on just about anything. I have never been in a fight.
But within this passive shell, I hold a poorly kept secret: I want to punch someone in the face almost every single day.
Seriously. I say some iteration of, “I will punch them in the face” at least four times a day. I have a recurring dream that I punch someone in the face – though, in the dream, it doesn’t quite connect and then it feels like I’m floating in Jell-O. (Wow, guys. I have weird dreams.)
Should I be ashamed of my face punching fantasies? I’d never actually do it, but even as someone who takes pride in their words, nothing else I say grants me quite the same release. Not even a well-placed F-bomb.
So, today’s post serves three purposes:
I can now say I published something today, which makes me feel productive.
I took a few minutes to express myself with Photoshop, which feels pretty damn productive, too.
I combined my apparently violent nature with an old meme to create something that might remind me of my real goals every day (even when people are pissing me off).
We all need to punch today in the face. Remind ourselves that we are the owners of our problems, our solutions, and our fates. The people who piss us off aren’t the problem. The problem is when we let those people get in our way.
I’m all about multi-tasking. I write blog posts while catching up on TV. I read while riding the train to work. Heck, I even walk while chewing gum! Today, I’m fulfilling a commitment to myself (creating content more than once a week) and striking an item on my to-list: new business card design.
Not gonna lie to you, the first business cards I designed were pretty cool. Well, I liked them, at least. I created them with a free trial of InDesign before I had a clue how to use anything beyond Adobe Reader. (You think they look better now that you know how few skills I had, don’t you?)
Unfortunately, they are: a) for my post-college job search; b) terribly out of date; c) somewhere in a box I’ve yet to unpack.