Since my little post on what men do created a (small, stranger-driven) stir, I thought I’d poke the bear and tell you all about the what man or woman – platonic or sexy pants – can do to put themselves on my Shit List. Plus, Tina Fey is one of my spirit animals.
Chewing with your mouth open. Remember those tricks kids pulled during lunch hour when you were a kid? “Hey, hey! Do you want an ABC Sandwich? Already been chewed!” Yeah. That was gross. Now picture that on a grown up. At a restaurant. On a date. With coworkers. With other grown ups.
If you need any more explanation than that, then you can cut to the head of the line and move to the top of my Shit List.
Choosing to Reply All when just Reply will suffice. Nope, we don’t all care that you can’t make it to the meeting because you’re having a tooth pulled. Nor do we need your reiterations on congrats, happy birthday, or “Oops! I lost my keys!” Even though we’ve become a culture of announcing trips to the bathroom via Facebook status update, there is still such a thing as the over share. (This includes Facebook status updates about using the bathroom.)
Referring to your mother as Mommy. If you are old enough to dress yourself, brush your own teeth, and wipe your own ass, this is not okay. The same can be said for referring to your father (or yourself in a, uh, non-child way - ew) as Daddy, but that’s a different sort of wrong.
Asking how to find an email address, phone number, or other mundane detail about a person, place, or thing. It’s called Google (or Bing or Yahoo or Ask or Lycos or Dogpile or MSN or…or…or). You should probably know that by now.
Having naked pictures of yourself on your phone. This is especially relevant if you have any dream, hope, or desire to (be married to) a famous person. Haven’t we all learned that sexting doesn’t pay yet? There is always someone waiting to hack your phone – and technology is for.ev.er.
(That said, if you think you might be concerned about your looks in the future, it’s probably a good idea to take a picture of certain body parts in your youth if for nothing else than to prove to your grandchildren that you were once hot.)
Taking yourself (too) seriously. Clearly, I don’t, and you may or may not agree that I’m pretty freaking awesome. That’s all I’m saying.
