Honest Horoscope | The Bachelorette Finale

Tonight, we find out who Jojo picks to spend the next six months rest of her life with on the The Bachelorette finale. I’m pretty sure we all saw Jordan “My Brother Plays Football” Rodgers’ existence in the final two as inevitable, but what about Robby?

I mean that literally, as I can’t actually remember Robby or what his deal is 99% of the time. I actually looked back at those notes I took on premier night, and I wrote nothing about him. Not even notes about a guy who sounds like him but whose name I didn’t catch. Clearly, he made quite the impression.

So, are you watching tonight’s finale? How about the new Bachelor in Paradise? It’s going to be So. Good.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Leo, sweet Leo. Everyone likes you, but how could they not? You appear sincere, a little nerdy, and prepared to break into song whenever the feared awkward silence appears. Everyone likes you, but The One just can’t love someone without a little damage (or at least someone who is going to provide a little damage). You totally ask for permission to kiss, don’t you? Never underestimate the power of a bad boy complex. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: James Taylor

The Bachelorette Finale Honest Horoscope | alittlebitginger.com

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

People meet you and immediately think they know you from somewhere. Were you a couple years ahead of them in high school? Did you used to date their step sibling? Have you already been on television by way of MTV Spring Break? No! That’s not it! You totally remind them of a Disney star. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Ali

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

No matter the situation, your best bet on making an impression is to have a schtick. In college, you were Always Brings the Beer Bong Guy. At the office, you’re Pays for the First Round at Happy Hour Guy. On the singles rec league scene, you’re Scares Away All Three Girls with Massage Offers Guy. The lesson here is to figure out who you actually are and trust in your natural personality, not a Santa costume. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Nick B

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

There’s an air of mystery about you that causes people to debate whether you’re sexy or creepy. It’s the fine line upon which you walk through life, but that’s okay. Green tea is an acquired taste, too, and hipsters seem to really dig it. Just, you know, be conscious of your lighting, because they can make or break your match.com selfie. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Luke

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You’ve got people skills and, more importantly, life skills. That makes you an indispensable part of any hormonal date hunting crew. Hold your cards close to your chest so you don’t get cheated – Mom would never forgive you. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Vinny

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Once in a while, you meet someone who stops you in your tracks. Where you’re normally gregarious and cheeky, you suddenly become unsure and mild. The spark behind your eyes doesn’t lie, you’ve got something to offer. Just stick to people to bring out the best parts of yourself. Also, call me. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Wells

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

No one likes you, but you speak the truth. My suggestion is to pause before you word vomit and rethink your Donald Trump comparisons. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Chad

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’ve got a trust fund, right? Maybe toss that into your romantic elevator speech. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Brandon

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Everyone wants to root for the underdog, it’s one of life’s unimpeachable truths. You, however, are the exception. Work on your petty game, whiny attitude, and can’t-put-my-finger-on-it brand of creepy, and people will be more interested in your success. Also, consider firing your hair stylist. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Evan

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re pretty in the same way that a rose is pretty. Sure, it smells nice and looks inoffensively attractive, but does it really provide any character to an arrangement? No. It’s just something people are supposed to like. On the upside, most people appreciate a basic understanding of major World War II players. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Daniel

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Emotions are hard, I know. When you’re really connected to what’s going on inside your heart, even the smallest moment can get a person worked into a tizzy. You’ll figure out how to deal with them someday, but for now, emphasize your height, chiseled jaw, and hair do – they’ll come in handy when you agree to a piggy back ride. There’s no eye contact, so it’s much easier to disassociate and focus on not inappropriately touching your partner on accident. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Chase

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The good news: you’ve got the raw elements of adorableness that everyone craves. The bad news: there is no more attractive quality in a person than confidence, and you have none. It’s time to be a grown up and fake it until you make it. The world is too busy paying attention to their own anxieties to tell the difference between the genuine and attempted confidence of others, so you have nothing to worry about once you learn to project. Your Bachelorette Doppelganger: Derek

What do you think?