When I texted some of my friends to tell me what word they hate, the exchanges pretty much all happened like this:
“Moist.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“And panties.”
I feel like there is a movie or TV show clip out in the ether that would explain why the words moist and panties are always on the list of words people hate. I tried to Google it, but I’m writing this at a public cafe so it’s probably not a good idea to click on any of the associated links. If you know what it is or if I’m making up the vague idea of a scene, please let me know.
Apparently The New Yorker says that slacks is actually the worst word in the English language, but I see nothing wrong with it. Then again, conversations with my 80-year-old grandmother tend to not often focus on fashion choices.
Side note: did you know that there is an entire Facebook page devoted to their hatred of the word moist? Now you do.
Irregardless. Guess what, friends! This is not actually a word. But have you heard someone say it in the last 48 hours? Probably. Did you roll your eyes when they said it? I hope so.
Rug Muncher. Okay, this is two words, but the reasons I hate it are two-fold, so it evens things out. First, it’s just a foul image for all persons involved. Second, it’s offensiveness is entirely ridiculous. The number of men who perform this act is a hell of a lot larger than the number of lesbians who perform this act, so what’s your point, bigot-who-says-he-isn’t-a-bigot-but-uses-this-phrase-anyway?
Fudge Packer. See previous statement. Replace lesbian references with the obsession straight people seem to have with anal sex. Then remember that there are teenagers who do this in order to retain their purity before marriage. That has nothing to do with the grossness of the phrase, but it’s still pretty funny.
Horny. I’m sorry, but it is a terrible, terrible word. I know very few people who enjoy talking about sex as much as I do, (because why not?) but you’ll almost never hear me say it. It’s too pornographic. Or toad-like. Or teenage male fantasy. On the occasion that I do say it, I feel like I should be dressed up in pink Soffe shorts, pigtails and tube socks, pillow-fighting with my sexy lady friends. Or sitting on a lily pad.
Literally. Literally, the use of the word literally is pretty much always used in the figurative sense. So, unless your mind is in pieces on the walls of your apartment, don’t tell me that I literally blew it.
And now a superfluous Parks and Recreation montage. Because it is amazing. (Literally.)
