The Tanning Mom
I mean, sure, she may or may not have brought her five-year-old into a tanning bed (I tend to believe her claim that she didn’t though I couldn’t for the life of me explain why), but I’m not referring to her skills as a mother. No, no, no. Instead, I remind you of last Mother’s Day when I told you all about the best beauty advice my mother ever gave me. She forced me – repeatedly – to apply and reapply sunscreen every time I ventured to the sun-filled outdoors. I hated it.
But now I know that when I am old and still have porcelain, wrinkle-free skin and my peers who tanned look like my favorite leather bag, I will have my mother to thank.
Sarah Boushey
When I was a kid I watched The Sandlot so much that I tore the label on the tape because Hollywood Video said if the label was damaged you had to buy the movie. (Why we never just bought the damn thing I’ll never understand.) As many times as we watched that movie (or the 3 Ninjas collection of cinematic excellence), my mother never got drunk during the movie before driving home.
That’s what this lady did.
Yes, during the Smurfs film she drank half a bottle of vodka, sideswiped not one but three cars, and was so drunk that her four-year-old daughter had to inform the cops of her mother’s name. So – thanks, Mom, for not being a drinker.
Rihanna
I know she’s the perpetual girl to love these days, but I don’t get what the big deal about Rihanna is. Sure, her songs are catchy and she has a hot body. You know what else she has? Photos of herself beaten black and blue all over the internet. And an abusive ex-boyfriend on her recent remix.
The moral of my story is this: my mother raised me so that I wouldn’t put up with that sort of crap. I know that especially in situations of domestic violence one can never really say what they would or wouldn’t do, but I’m pretty confident that my mother raised a woman who doesn’t like swollen eyes, cut lips, or assholes who cause them.
(I also just discovered Rihanna and Chris Brown unfollowed one another on Twitter. I don’t know if that means anything to you, but I felt the need for you to have full knowledge of their alleged relationship status.)
What makes your mom special?
