Some of you lovely people have suggested that I do a YouTube series or podcast because you’ve met me in real life and apparently think I’m funny. (Thanks for those call outs, by the way, it makes me feel quite lovely.)
You may be in luck.
A work friend of mine googled me today. She found a Vimeo channel I had completely forgotten about. Should I start something up again? I’m accepting ideas!
Single life can be really hard, guys. You don’t have a guaranteed date to anything. Even a quick shoulder rub requires paying a stranger with actual cash. Nothing makes me wish I had a partner more than trying to zip up a dress in the morning. (That is, until I perform acrobatics to unzip it when I get home.)
In those moments it’s easy to forget how nice single life can be. You answer to no one else. There are no fights about whose family gets the happy couple for Christmas. No one to compromise your sleep! Seriously – I woke up just a few mornings ago having taken the case off a pillow with my nocturnal thrashing. I’m guessing that would not have gone over well with a dude in my bed.
Let’s be real: the best part of being single is making your life all about you.
I’m not delusional. I am fully aware that you, Dear Reader, are most likely a woman in your 20s or 30s, a gay man, or a member of my family. (Hi, Mom! You probably should stop reading now.) Today’s post may not speak directly to your behavior as to the single, heterosexual men in your life. Also, welcome to the three dudes who stumbled across this when my bestie left my website open on a random public computer. (Thanks, Claire!)
So, Three Dudes, I know you are proud of your penis. That’s great! I’m all about #bodypositivity.
The penis can be sort of freaky, though. Some might even say ugly. Especially when presented to someone unprovoked. You do realize that whipping out the D in public would be grounds for a felony charge, right? Putting your wiener on a phone makes flashing no less icky.